How do you measure your self confidence? Do you feel confident in certain situations and not in others? As a hypnotherapist I work with a wide range of issues from anxiety to weight control and at the root on many of my client’s concerns is a lack of self confidence or low self esteem. The way that we feel about ourselves influences pretty much every area of our lives.
How do we develop self confidence?
Most babies and young toddlers have bags of self confidence. This is essential to allow them to grow, develop and learn new skills. When learning new skill like walking for example a child will persist despite falling many times. They are not embarrassed or ashamed of their short comings and eventually they will master the skill. As time goes on, however outside influences affect us and we start to develop beliefs about ourselves some of which are negative and unhelpful.
How do our internal beliefs affect us?
From an early age we are observing the world and learning from it. Quickly (provided we have loving care givers) a baby will discover that if they smile they will get a positive response. Young children learn that if they touch something hot it will burn them, setting down an internal belief that any object on the stove may be hot so is to be avoided. We also develop beliefs about ourselves. If we are encouraged and nurtured most of those beliefs will be positive. If we are constantly put down and criticised then then our internal dialogue starts to reflect this. As human beings we do tend to have a negativity bias so we are find it much easier to accept negative comments rather than positive, especially if our internal beliefs are already negative.
Most of us have access to social media twenty four seven. This allows us to constantly view the lives and activities of others. Unfortunately these usually are heavily edited versions of peoples lives. Most people only post the best photo (often with a filter), the most exciting holiday or day trip. When we compare ourselves to others we inevitably find ourselves lacking. The reality is that there will always be someone prettier, smarter, thinner, earning more money and doing more exciting things. I’m sorry to say it but most of us are average. Only the minority excel, just as only the minority are truly terrible. If we measure our success against others we will inevitably come up short at some point.
How can we boost self esteem?
One way is to start listening to the way you speak to yourself. What do you say if you are late for example or if you forget something? Many people are quick to criticise and blame themselves. If you recognise this you can change. Self criticism can become a habit and habits can be changed. Try to speak to yourself in a kind and compassionate way. Paying attention in a mindfully allows you to look at the bigger picture and gain some perspective. Take some time to list your skills and qualities or better still get someone who you can trust to list them for you. It is an amazing experience to discover the way others see you. Finally remember that you are not alone. We all doubt ourselves sometimes. Try to view success in a new way. If you know that you have tried your best in the circumstances in which you find yourself then no matter what the outcome is you can class this as a success. This kind of approach is much more motivating and as a result you might just find your self succeeding more.
If you would like to book a hypnotherapy session please call me on 07769892376 and follow me on Facebook and Twitter.